ReflectionToday I have been thinking back over the past year and words I feel God has been trying to get me to hear. This year started out rough. Tragic death of a close family friend and even a couple of acquaintances. Then it seem to turn to watching as marriages were under attack. Some now being restored and others failed.
Yet in that there was finding out we were expecting another little one. My grandmother finally moving closer and getting to spend time with her.Then discovering God had an amazing adventure waiting for us in California.
In the midst of all the change I have to admit it took it the life out of me. It impacted our marriage. It was tough to deal with all that while being a vessel of new life in God's act of creating James Lucas. Physically, mentally and yes even spiritually for the last year I have been completely exhausted.
So looking the mirror at my over sized belly, thinking about the fact that even this pregnancy has been a roller coaster ride for me. Now I am waiting every day for him to arrive. I feel like I have been walking on a tight rope across the Grand Canyon. Not knowing when or if I might fall, seeing the bottom and crying out of fear that I might end up there smashed to pieces. My words were often, " God show me the next step, when to make it and how to make it. At times he told me to stop looking at the ground and enjoy the view around. I was amazed at His masterpiece. Other times He told me to take a step and so I did even though my heart was pounding and the sun was glaring in my eyes. So far I am safe and beginning to see the safety net that God has had underneath me the whole time.
James Lucas' arrival for me will hopefully symbolize a time of spiritual rest from crossing
one of the valleys of the Grand Canyon. Then I am sure there will be another valley to dangle over or perhaps walk through. For now I must remember there has never been a time that He has let me go somewhere that He wasn't there with me.
His constant whisper has been, "I am here, I love you. Trust my heart."
So this is me trusting.
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