Freckles on My Soul

Okay I probably try everyday to look in my mirror and like my freckles. Pep talks like," A face without freckles is like a sky without stars" (whatever that means), don't work, especially coming from someone who doesn't have freckles. I can't help but think, "I guess my freckles have joined together to spell the word 'dummy' on my forehead."

But I am trying to embrace the fact that God made me this way.

Really Lord what is the purpose of a freckle?.....

I have been told so many reasons why I have them, all of which are void of a purpose. When I look at other animals in nature who have skin variances to the other like animals I find that spots are either a gift to them to protect them from predators or finishing touches by the Creator for just pure aesthetic value. So did God give me these spots so I could camoflage myself or because He likes the way they look.

I am tossing around the idea in my head that maybe it is both. Yes... I know what you are thinking. I get the aesthetic thing...Christ in all His amazing creating skills can actually put something on His creation for just because He thinks it looks great. But I lost you on the predator thing.

Well let me explain... This world is crazed with the idea of sexy, flawless skin. So much so that for some reason my freckles are seen as flaws. It is only just recently that advertisers have started showing people with freckles, yet if you look closely most those are strategically airbrushed so that they in the right places and not too many of them. Don't believe me, start comparing the people you know who have freckles and the ones in the catalogs. You will see it. It is just advertisers attempt convincing you that they are not shallow. Because not liking someone because of their skin is absurd. Yet all the while they are trying to convince me that I am flawed because I have freckles and need to buy their products to cover up my flaws. I am pretty tough though... I am pretty smart... I can see their tricks as desperate attempts to get me to hand over my money. What makes me angry though is what the attack is doing to kids... to teenagers. How much longer are we going to let advertisers define what is beautiful to us.... to our kids.

Yet in all this I am some how finding myself grateful for my flaws. The freckles on my skin and the freckles on my soul. Shallow people see them and completely miss the real me. The freckles on my skin are a gift to help me find those people who can look beyond my spots and see the green and blue in my eyes. If you are reading this you are probably not shallow and can figure out how the freckles on my soul protect me from spiritually shallow people.

So the parting question is do you have freckles on your soul? If so embrace them... they are a gift.

Piano Man's Daughter

My father was in the piano tuning and repair business for most of my childhood. During the summers I often got the pleasure of traveling with him all over East Texas as he took on various jobs. I don't know what I loved more...seeing all the beautiful countryside or meeting new people. The chance to have alone time with Daddy was mainly the driving force behind me begging to go every time he picked up his tool box. I never knew whether we would end up in someone's home or at an old country church but either option promised adventure and a front row seat to a concert heard only by a few.

Church pews, choir lofts or baptismal rooms always offered such great surprises. The treasures ranged from crayons to buttons. Blankets left by elders served as tents, capes and Mary's veil. Sometimes I pretended like I was a cold grumpy church lady who was mad that her blanket had been moved.

Then of course there was the pastor's pulpit saved for the last few minutes because I had been told once to save the best for last. A piece of advice that had served me well up to that point so I enforced upon myself to satisfy my craving for wisdom. The pay off always took my imagination on a mystery adventure to discover the sub-concious thoughts of the choir director and the preacher as they were leading the flock. Trinkets such as chewed gum placed neatly on the underside of the pulpit, cups half full of water, tic-tac boxes, guitar pics, visual aids, post -it notes, pens, sermon notes and Bibles. A few times I would find things that baffled me like a pair of flip flops and a toy car.

Daddy would always go through certain steps when tuning. He would play the piano, then go through a process of adjusting the strings. Next were the tuning forks that he would bounce off of his wrist and then hold to his ear as he tightened or loosened the string. When he got to the finer tuning he would place as strip of felt between each string and then tune some more. I always knew when Daddy was winding down when he started removing the felt one string at a time.This was usually when I searched the pulpit.

When he pulled the last piece of felt out I would go sit by him and start packing up his tools being careful to put them exactly where he showed me once before. He played... first a few songs most piano fans would recognize and then onto pieces no one had heard before and no one since.

So imagine for a moment a man who outwardly looks like farmer Santa with his long beard, a fully round belly and a smile that could make anyone chuckle. Now picture him tickling the keys of a piano just as relaxed as someone talking on the phone. When Daddy played he was so full of peace, passion and joy. There is nothing that makes a child feel more secure than to see their parents at peace.

So for months and even years after my father left this world I had the hardest time listening to anyone playing the piano. It was not a sense of utter devastation like one would imagine but more of a disconnection. When I saw my father play he was instantly elevated above all the muck of the world surrounding him and lost in a world of grace, adventure and peace. He was a child again... one who had never lost connection with His creator. Playing music was his prayer language ... not just listening, although that is a joy all its own, but playing. It was a physical way expressing all the things his heart felt but could not divulge. It overwhelmed me to see another soul pour out before God. I needed to disconnect so that my heart would not get swallowed up.

The very thought of touching the piano stirred a sense of fear and awe. I laid down every instrument I had attempted to grace with my insecure fingers. Daddy had always pushed us to play some sort of instrument and detecting his passion I attempted the flute. In vain I tried to make my playing sound as glorious his. Even after he passed I bought myself a flute in order to honor the spirit of my father. Yet sold it years later because I felt I was chasing a hopeless thought.

This road to eternity has had some rather dark valleys. Being young, naive and undiscerning I charged through some of them with sense of adventure much like I did in back road church. Some I am not sure I ever really got out of. Yet, always in the back of my mind, I knew where my Daddy was because I heard Him. I knew when it was time to pack things up and enjoy his concert. Now that I am married.. have a few little ones of my own the darkness of this dark world does not seem like just a valley. Darkness is much darker when you have little ones to protect and a marriage to keep sacred. So dark to me at times I couldn't even hear my Father's music...
So I sat down...in the dark too petrified to cry out because it my be the end of all I hold dear. It so happened that I bumped into my guitar...(another instrumental attempt to embrace my father's passion). The need to reconnect with the heavenly Father was so great that even the sound of mangled guitar offered hope to my soul. Surprised by that I plucked its strings... and plucked until peace vibrated on my heart like the sound on the strings. It was a strange sound at first but as my fingers began to make sense of those different sounds so did my heart. Before long I figured out that several strings together made chords... then several chords made a song. My hands became the key to open up my heart.

The moment I closed my eyes to focus on the sound of peace the light became so bright that my eyes watered from the warmth of it. Praise pours out of my mouth with the greatest ease. Music has become a prayer language to me and sometimes the only way I can speak of or to the One my heart was created to desire.

If you were to listen to me play and not know my heart you probably would be relieved when I am done. But in the quietness of my soul I am playing chords of peace, joy, and love to my Heavenly Father and to my father in heaven.

Really I don't know why we buy them any toys. They play with boxes more than anything else. Everytime I empty a box they are standing there to take it away. They do it so often that now they don't mind throwing them away because they can make another project next shopping trip. I wonder when they will start asking to buy certain things because of the box rather than what is in it. LOL!

James Lucas Spann in James William Spann's (grandpa) Baby Clothes and Chair

BallChecking it out

Throwing it

I lost it

Thank you Mommy

I want to throw it again

James Lucas is really ambitious. He wants to do everything the other kids do. But he also loves clowning around. Just before this video he unfastened his diaper and shook it off his leg, all to the amusement of the others. He will do anything to make them laugh.

Silly Boy

Aiden: Momma how do they put babies in people's tummies?

Momma: Well God puts babies in the momma's tummy.

Aiden: How does He do that?

Momma: (proceeding with caution) Well how do you think He does it?

Aiden: I think He takes the momma apart and then puts the baby in and then puts her back together. (hand motions included)

Momma: I guess that would work. (sigh with relief)

Aiden: How does the baby get out?

Momma: (Same tactic) Well you are smart, how do you think God does that?

Aiden: Same way He put the baby in.

Whew!!! Store that conversation on the shelf for later.

Alabaster Jar

Mary's alabaster jar is symbolic of our heart. On this earth we would do best to seek things to fill our jar that will serve as oil to pour on the feet of Jesus. Fill if full of the most sacred things...things you value... things that necessary for you spiritual well being. Make an amazing composition of all the things God has done in your life and in the lives of those around. Store them in your alabaster vessel and when you finally cross the threshold of Christ eternal presence ... place this amazing treasure at his feet.. Hand Him your heart. That is what He wants and it is the only sacrifice that is pleasing to Him.

What in the World....
A few random happenings around the Spann house

Lets play a game.... see if you can figure out how these objects got there... send a comment with your answer....

Toy Crab tossed up on a door ledge
I opened the lid to the washing machine and found a Littlest pet shop frog stuck to the inside. A love note in the ovenDisclaimer... if you were to decide to go on a scavenger hunt at the Spann residence these results may vary.. ie finding half chewed tortillas in the kids toy box... or melted crayon circles on the dryer wall...

Directions

When it is quiet in the car my kids talk about the most random things. So last night on the drive home from a friends house I was tuning the kids out until I heard Aiden loudly proclaim,"No we are going East!"

Maylee: "No we are going West"......

Aiden: " The quail on the gazebo says we are going East". (the quail is a weather vain in our back yard)

Maylee: "Well that way is South so we have to be going West!"

I quickly explained that the ocean was to the west and since we were facing the ocean we had to be going west and that "the quail" tells us which direction the wind is blowing.

Aiden " Oh... so behind us is East"

Me " Yes Aiden"

Lilly, " No its the South East-er Bunny!!!"

I told you it was random.....

Another Random Car Conversation

Lilly, " Aiden, do you like me?"

Aiden, " I don't know"

Daddy, " You don't know?!!"

Lilly, " Yes or No Aiden!"

Aiden, "No."

Mom, " Aiden, Do you love Lilly?"

Aiden, " A little bit"

Lilly giggles..."Yes or No Aiden?"

Aiden sighs, " Yes".

Lilly, " Okay".... then she smiles really big..

King Solomon's Mine
We just got a Young Reader's Bible for the kids and Maylee latched on to it right away. Of course we had to make a cover for it. Trying to grasp a teachable moment I attempted to explain to the kids the importance of using wisdom in all of their decisions and that the reason we have people in charge of us is to guide us is to help us make wise decisions. While that brings reassurance to Maylee it weighs as a huge burden on her parents. Knowing Proverbs are filled with lots of wise words I fell back to what I was told as a teenager and told Maylee to read one proverb a day. Since there are 31 it works out just right for a month to month exercise. So when we turned to Proverbs in the reader's Bible it explains the author of most of the Proverbs, King Solomon, and tells about how Proverbs can help us to make wise decisions. Maylee and I read the first proverb which speaks of being careful of those who encourage you to do wrong... basically it leads to their own pain and suffering. It also says that the wise man values correction and instruction. This led to a nice discussion and many encouraging thoughts.
Later that evening Tom (not knowing about the previous) showed Maylee a Chrysocolla mineral from King Solomon's mine. Her face just lit up with excitement. She ran to me and told me about the mineral. Wow.... you could see the neurons connecting in her head. King Solomon was real and had a mine. He was a wise man...He wrote what she just read. As a mineral lover's daughter she knows a great deal about minerals and mines. She loves learning about the Bible. Her step of faith had just landed firmly on the ground... what a moment. Maylee left in excitement. Tom and I breathed a breathe of fresh Grace that God has His little ones in His hands.

Finishing Up
We have closed out the school year. Maylee finished her 1st grade year and she finished her 2nd book in Awanas. She is reading on at least a 5th grade level. If she wants she can read one chapter book in 4 hours. Way to go Maylee!!!

Lilliana is becoming a little girl. She holds her own with the others and absolutely loves to start an argument. Mischievious is the word for her right now. She loves to imitate others as well. You should see drama she uses to impersinate us reading to her. Wow where did my baby girl go?

Aiden
He finished preschool with a bang.... he reads and writes already. He reads short sentences and writes all the upper case letters of the alphabet. I wish I could take credit for that but he is just a rather determined child. He finished his second book in Cubbies ( Awanas) as well. Yeah Aiden!


Lucas
Well he thinks he is as big as the rest. He wants to chase them around... right now he is scooting around arm crawl style... and from this picture you can see he puts his own pants on and is working on reading.

Computer Fritz
I have been having technical difficulties with my computer. One dead.... trying to use and old laptop and the mouse pad is freaking out. Every once in a while I get to use Tom's Mac when he is not using it for work. Can't afford a new one right now so..... My communication with my friends and family will be limited to sparse emails and phone. Oh well. I will fall off the internet wagon for a while....

How do you approach new things??? Lilly proceeds with caution the first round... (notice the closeness to side wall)
Then she goes all out!!

Maylee goes full force... first time around!

This is pretty accurate of how they do everything.

Heart Smile Moments

Heart Smile Moments

Heart Issue
Well for the past few years I have been tapping on Maylee's heart to encourage her to give away the things she doesn't play with or doesn't need. The first time I approached her with this issue I thought her heart would melt at the thought of giving things to children who don't have as much as her and she would jump at the chance. I was so disappointed to discover that she was horrified at the idea of getting rid of any of her things. (Note to self... your children are just as human as you are). So for quite some time I have been chipping at her heart. Trying but failing over and over only to be met with many tears and me wishing I had never approached the topic. Wanting desperately for her to have a merciful heart and saddened by the fact that I don't do enough myself , I just placed it in God's hands. Recently in our school reading we have been reading a book called Understood Betsy by Dorothy Canfield Fisher. This book is about the preciousness of a little girls heart and how easily it can be led astray and spoiled. Through Betsy's story Maylee has learned so much. One being the value of reaching out to those in need. For the first time today she has been willing to actually go through some of her toys to give some away. I am not sure how much yet but it is a break through. Such a change of heart. Thank you our Merciful Father. Now the next step is to find a child or family in need.

Lately the Lord has been bringing songs to my mind...it has been a source of peace and growth..the lastest it by Fanny Crosby...

Pass Me Not, O Gentle Savior

Pass me not, O gentle Savior,Hear my humble cry;While on others Thou art calling,Do not pass me by.

Refrain

Savior, Savior,Hear my humble cry;While on others Thou art calling,Do not pass me by.
Let me at Thy throne of mercy Find a sweet relief,Kneeling there in deep contrition;Help my unbelief.

Refrain

Trusting only in Thy merit,Would I seek Thy face;Heal my wounded, broken spirit,Save me by Thy grace.

Refrain

Thou the Spring of all my comfort,More than life to me,Whom have I on earth beside Thee?Whom in Heav’n but Thee?

Refrain

HAVE YOU SEEN JESUS MY LORD?
Have you seen Jesus my Lord?
He's here in plain view.
Take a look, open your eyes; He'll show it to you.
Have you ever stood at the ocean with the white foam at your feet;
Felt the endless thundering motion?
Then I'd say you've seen Jesus, my Lord.
Have you ever stood at the sunset with the sky mellow and red;
Seen the clouds suspended like feathers?
Then I'd say you've seen Jesus, my Lord.
Have you ever stood at the cross with a man hanging in pain;
seen the face of Christ on you brother?
Then I'd say you've seen Jesus, my Lord.
Have you ever stood in the family with the Lord there in your midst;
seen the face of Christ on your brother?
Then I'd say you've seen Jesus, my Lord.
Have you seen Jesus my Lord?
He's here in plain view.
Take a look, open your eyes; He'll show it to you.

Taken from Merri-Mac Songbook

Tucson Trip
This past week we were in Tucson, AZ. Our reason for going is the Gem and Mineral show that is held there every year. Tom just recently started his business as a mineral and gemstone dealer and his parents are collectors. So taking the kids to see them seemed like the right choice. God blessed us with an amazing place to stay. I call it my desert oasis. It proved to be a place of peace and rest for all of us. Ms. Sally is the home owner and had spent time praying over the place before we arrived. Most people think I am crazy for attempting to live in a small place for eight days with 4 small children. But God has blessed me with some amazing children who embrace a change of scenery rather well. They love to explore new things and will go anywhere.
I felt so much peace there that I actually slept well (deep refreshing sleep) everynight I was there. The kids played outside rain or shine.

We got to see Tom's Dad and Step-Mom rather often.

Does Anyone Else Think This Way?

I have discovered that when the kids and I stay a home all week and have a normal, relaxed day that is planned put relaxed, I am happier. It is when I look out my window and see the ocean in the distance and the hills that I get an itch to take the kids somewhere. I think to myself, "Man it would be fun to take the kids to the beach and play in the sand or play at the park. Before I know it( if the car is available) I am off to somewhere... dragging my kids behind me. They will love it.
I wrestle with them to get them in the car...
wrestle them out of the car....
watch them run and play while I survey the area for safety purposes...
hold the baby...
feed the baby....
pick up crying child...
call wandering children back to me.....
Listen to 5 or 6 people tell me how full my hands are...
wrestle them back to the car because I can't handle them all every where.....
listen to them argue and cry all the way back home... complaining about what they didn't get to do
wrestle them out of the car and back into the house...
send them to their rooms for rest time because I am exhausted.
then I plop down on the couch and wonder, "What was I thinking".

I was thinking about doing something nice for my kids but the cost of it became more than I could handle. 10 minutes of fun cost me a days worth of exhaustion. Are my expectations way to high. Is it wrong to just want to stay at home? Am I confined to these quarters because of my kids. I want them to experience the world but ten minutes of the world cost me my strength.
May be the world will have to wait until they are all bigger or at least until Daddy gets home.....

Any ideas?

Prayer Journals

I have been trying to think of ways to teach my kids to value God and develop their relationship with him. One of the things that I should probably do more often because it strengthens my walk with Christ, is journaling. I enjoy it. So one day I thought why not start this early in my kids life so that when they are older it will come naturally to them and even be an anchor for times when they start to stray. We all have things that pull us back to God when we have wandered far. For most, I believe it is something from our childhood, a tradition or some thing familiar to us. My mom used to journal... I never told her this but I read a few entries every once. I remember sitting in our brown Toyota waiting for family to come. I picked it up out of curiousity. I was blessed by her candidness with God and the apparent trust she had for Him. Sorry Mom. I don't remember anything personal strangely enough. I think it was just one of those times when God was drawing me in.
So I presented the idea to the kids and they love it. Aiden writes a few words but draws stuff most of the time. Maylee does both. I told them that sometimes we don't have the right words and drawing pictures is a good way to explain. God also is so amazing that He can read our words even when they don't make sense. They like that.
So every morning i have them write or draw. So far so good. I am sure their will be more lesson from this practice.
For those of you who are straining to read Maylee's journal, she asked God to make sure we have enough money for her birthday present. You gotta love my perfectly imperfect children.

Karate Kid

HaeeeeY!!!!!

Ya!!!!!!!

We Spent the First Day of 2009
Building a Castle out of Cardboard boxes and playing Kings,Queens, Knights and Dragons all day. Note the balconies, windows and doors that open, on the side is a rose vine and a garden. It was a fun day learning about chivalry, proper sword fighting and about different castles around the world. We love the Playmobil stuff. It sure would be fun to take a tour of a few castles sometime. If was great hanging out with Tom and the kids all day with no plans but to have some fun.